chaos.

One thing that I refuse to be subjected to is ignorance and arrogance. I haven't really spoken to my father since November as a result of this; and yet another person is on the verge of being locked out for the same reason. In 2003 I decided to stop subjecting myself to unnecessary stress. I was previously the type who easily forgave any wrong doing. I've never been one to believe in 'sorries'; if you didn't really mean to do something then either you would not have done it in the first place or you wouldn't need the word 'sorry' to express your remorse. Since you can't change the past, I've adopted a new philosophy of learning from my mistakes so that I'm not placed in the same type of situation with the same person again.

So ummm, yeah. I'm back from Trinidad. I was welcomed back with the usual chaos and I'm wishing I had never returned. I've only been back for four days and I'm already out of breath as I struggle to keep up with the rat race of North American life.

rotating...Dwele: Subject
anticipating...another vacation

relaxation.

This feels good.
I've been in Trindad for a week now and I am thoroughly enjoying myself.
The sunshine is a welcome change from the slushy cold Canadian weather.
The speed of life is much slower. It's 4:30 right now and everyone is taking their afternoon nap. It's made me remember that this is the life that I once lived. Taking each moment as it comes and never really rushing or stressing.

But as I sit here typing away, the mosquitoes are gnawing away at my ankles reminding me that in this last week I've grown accustomed to my afternood naps. Whatever will I do when I return to the North American hustle??

rotating....Craziness: Machel Montano
anticipating....My Birthday on March 2

procrastination.

This week was long yet short. It started out with me thinking I had soooo much time left to get everything done. But then the days simply flew by and now here I am with two days before I leave.

I need to get crackin'. I leave day after tomorrow and I haven't even begun to pack. It doesn't help that I was out every night from Wednesday night to today. Every day for the last week, I've come home and looked at that suitcase and told myself that I would start packing. And everyday, something alternative came up.

I saw the movie City of God last night. None of my friends were keen on going to see it and I really wanted to see it in the theatre before it's released on DVD, so I packed myself a bag of snacks and went by myself. I've never gone to a movie by myself. But I think I enjoyed the movie more and was able to concentrate on it and get more out of it because I was by myself. I had a conversation with a friend a few months back who was telling me that he only goes to the movies by himself. He pointed out that when you're in a movie with someone else, it's more difficult to keep up with the story line because the person you're with has a tendency to talk to you all the time. Whereas by yourself, the only real distraction is the movie (and where this one was concerned, the subtitles). So, would I do it again? YES, definitely! I think that everyone needs to have days where they spend time with them self and get in touch with them self. That's not always possible when you're constantly surrounded by people.

rotating...Kanye West
anticipating...sunshine

overwhelmed.

I feel so totally frazzled.
I leave for Trinidad in a week and I am working every day from now till the day I leave. I have three huge reports that need to be finished before I leave, plus an assignment at school that's due as soon as I get back. I have so much to do....I need to pack and organize summer clothes to take with me. My summer clothes have been packed away and I have absolutely no idea of what I have in terms of clothing. I haven't even pulled out my suitcase yet. Plus I have to buy little gifts for my family (or atleast I would like to). My room is a mess right now, my mom stepped in this morning...looked around and just shook her head. I have LOADS of laundry that I need to do. I wish I could hire a personal organizer to come in, clean my room and organize all my papers and books and clothes and bags and.....everything else that I have strewn all over the place.

I really shouldn't be going away right now due to time & money constraints...but I feel like I really need this break. I might go a bit nuts if I don't escape just for a bit.

rotating...Prefuse 73: One Word Extinguisher
anticipating...vacation

out of touch.

My computer and internet connection have been down for the last 2 days.
I felt like I was going crazy. I apparently have a need to be able to check my email, etc... on a regular basis. I can finally admit it....i am addicted. I think a lot of people have already realized this about me. There have been instances where I've come home at 5 in the morning and had to go online. During my little Ebay phase, I was so hooked I would set a timer to make sure I was online when an auction was about to expire.

It's funny, because I honestly don't know if I can imagine my life right now without constant access to the net. Life without the net. You would honestly think that I've had the internet forever. The truth is the internet has only been in my life and the lives of many others for the last 7 - 8 years. However, we've all become so dependent on it that you would never actually know that. I don't even make long distance calls anymore, I talk to my fam overseas through Msn Messenger or icq or just plain ole email. Who mails a letter in this day and age?? If I have to send a document, I scan it...attach it...and click send.....

Sad but true, the blackout this past summer showed me how dependent the world has become on technology. We've forgotten how to do simple tasks without the assistance of a computer or some other sort of technology. I remember trying to call a few of my friends to make sure they were doing okay during the blackout and couldn't get in touch with them. When I finally contacted them once power had been restored, they shamefully admitted that they only had cordless/portable phones in their home and all of these phones couldn't work without electricity.

I also remember going for a walk with my mom and stopping at a neighbor's' house and telling them how we had drank tea and made soup. They couldn't understand how we had done that when we didn't have electricity and were so astonished when we let them know that we had just put a pan on the barbecue and boiled water the old fashioned way. My neighbor (and this ain't no lie) told me that she had thought of that but wasn't totally sure how to heat up the water that way!!!!!!!!!!

...are we out of touch??? I can admit that to some extent I am...I can not imagine my life without the internet, my cell phone, a car, and other luxuries. However, I'm confident that if they were all stripped away tomorrow, I could and would survive. Unfortunately, there are a large group of people who definitely would have a difficult time living without all of our technological luxuries.

...rotating...Prefuse 73: One Word Extinguisher
...anticipating...the wine and cheese at the Trade Show I'm attending tomorrow (yes..I'm a bit greedy).

simply for the food...

I'm off to a Super Bowl Party today.
I don't watch football...
I know zippo about the rules of the game....
I do know however that the contenders are the Patriots and the Panthers.
So why am I going???

I heard what was on the menu and couldn't think of a reason not to be there.
.....simply for the food.



rotating....Quasimoto: The Unseen
anticipating....THE FOOD!!!!!!!!