.iam.piscessoul.

...respect is just the minimum...

8.17.2004

..so much things to say.....

Damn Lauryn! You're missed and people like me need more music from you. ((need is the operative word there)).

In case you haven't realized, the title of this post is a reference to Ms. Hill. The content of the song has nothing to do with what I have to say...just the idea that I've had a lot on my mind and therefore have a lot to release. Let me provide forewarning, this post will be extremely tangential (is that a word??). So let's get started...

Kanye West & Usher.
I'm broke after that damn concert. $117 dollars later and I left the concert wondering why they didn't give Kanye a bigger budget? Why Usher had to make it so blatantly obvious with his pyrotechnics and monstrous stage that he was the headliner and not Kanye? And why that silly little girl in front of me had the nerve to turn around during Kanye's little tribute to Rick James and say...Who's Rick James? Sorry Kanye, but your performance did not impress me, I expected more. I was happy to see Consequence, but I should have gone to the John Legend show instead.

Moms.
I love you. You and I are closer than many mothers and daughters today. I know you mean well. But sometimes I feel like you are choking me. I need you to let me breathe. Let me make my mistakes. Let me learn from my mistakes. Like I said, I know you mean well...but I truly need to flourish on my own for just a bit. I'll come back though, I promise.

Work.
I have so many decisions to make. Lately, I can admit that I've been hiding from them all. I need to get organized. But I think I said before that I'm not ready for the real world and I truly wasn't even lying. I wish I could get away for a year, shyt even 3-4 months. My friend just got back from a month in Europe..I'd even just settle for that. I feel like I jumped into work too quickly when I just finished school. I need to step back and really think things through. But I feel like I can't because I've committed to both of my jobs. I can't explain why I feel guilty on the days that I silently consider quitting. Ultimately, I know that my welfare and my happiness is what is of the utmost importance. But the piscean in me, as always, first considers them instead of me.

I'm not even sure anymore if I like what I do. Or whether it's that I like what I'm doing but just don't like where I'm doing it or who I'm working for.

Ladies.
I love y'all too. But I look at our friendships each day and realize that we've each grown in different directions. I feel that while each of you is moving North and North East and North North East and East; I continue to move West. Yet, I sometimes find myself trying to redirect to atleast try to continue in your direction, but I can't. I sometimes feel that I'm the only one noticing it, but I sense that each of you feels it too. I've said time and time again, I don't need to speak to someone everyday to maintain a friendship. If we are truly friends, we'll find a way to maintain common ground.

I hope.

Lastly...

Big Black Lincoln.
Despite the ridiculously long line up stretching around the corner (Why the hell was the guest list line longer than the ticket holder line?!?!? That's a sign that money was lost last night...but I guess it's all about the love...right?). The show last night was hot! I think that many people left with a heightened anticipation for an album simply based on the beats and the energy.

I personally am not a fan of the unpolished raspy singing a la Dudley Perkins. Sauks is kind of similar to Dudley in that respect except I can hear the undertones of an okay voice. I just think he needs some more vocal training to sound better live because I've been loving the finished tracks that I've heard with him singing.

I was vex that T.R.A.C.K.S. didn't do T.R.A.C.K.S Lament last night. But I realize that this was a Big Black Lincoln showcase and not an IRS show case.


rotating....Lauryn Hill: Unplugged
anticipating....Big Black Lincoln

1 Comments:

  • At Wed Aug 18, 10:19:00 AM EDT, Blogger jirzygurl said…

    I totally understand how you are feeling! Maybe because I am a pisces and I know all about putting others first. All I can say is that it seems like you know what you need to do and just reluctant to do it to save people's feelings. do you and keep a positive outlook and all the confusion will go away!

     

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