...respect is just the minimum...


too much time to think...[is that possible..yes!!]

Today was another snow day!! The thing about snow days is that they start off great because you experience that initial excitement of knowing you're going to get away with staying at home doing nothing all day. However, half way through the day boredom kicks in. That's exactly where I was at by about 1pm today. I had exhausted the internet, I was tired of sitting on the phone saying nothing and after watching another Cosby Show rerun...television became another blah! All in all, if used correctly a snow day becomes an excellent day to reflect because there's nothing else to do except mull over nonsensical thoughts.

But my thoughts today weren't really nonsensical [atleast not in my opinion]. It began with an email I received from an old friend whom I wish I could have gotten to know better before he moved. This is a sample of my train of thought....

o/ How is it that certain people know just what to say?
o/ How is it possible that even miles away someone can still make your heart flutter (just a little) ?
o/ How is it possible that someone who was in my life for such a brief moment could have had such a profound effect? Permanently elevating my expectations and pretty much ruining me whereby I refuse to settle for anything less than the image he presented to me.

So much more has been running through my brain...but I'll stop because I think that presents a general idea of what I've been thinking about all day today.

I've never been in a serious relationship. I've had my share of flings...situations...friends..whatever you want to call it. But I've never really been serious with anyone in all of my 24 [ummm....25] years. I guess, part of self discovery is asking myself WHY - which I've attempted to do before. I've come up with excuses, but none that I feel are justifiable answers. Ultimately, I truly believe that it's a combination of fear + stubbornness. Fear of getting hurt, fear of being treated like some of the dumb girls I hear my brother and his friends and my cousins and my male friends talking about. But for some reason he had left me thinking of the possibility of taking a chance. He challenged me and intrigued me more than anyone I've ever known. It's just unfortunate that he isn't physically here for me to express all of the above to him and possibly..............[who knows?? maybe, anticipate more].....

For the first time in the longest while, nothing has been "rotating..." today. [It's now 7pm and usually music is a constant in this house whether from myself or my brother tinkering with his records]. I've been overly caught up in the thoughts above. But I think I've been online too long right now.....It's just sunk in that there hasn't been music in the house today and I think hearing some might make me feel better.....

about to rotate.....Meshell Ndegeocello 'Bitter' nahhh, too depressing. I'll spin Dwele 'Subject' instead
eagerly anticipating....Trinidad in 21 days and getting my Kobayashi cd tomorrow [hopefully].....


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