memoirs of summer....

Today was an absolutely shitty day, it seemed never ending and I couldn't wait for it to be over and head home. Work continues to stress me out.

With nothing better to do, I decided to finally uploaded some pictures from the summer.


Taken during a moment of boredom at home. It's a plant if you haven't figured that out yet.


I have yet to provide the details of my camping experience. Yes, I would do it again. The bears did not find me and neither did the mosquitoes.


Ms Bri was captivated by the 'sprinklers'. At Dundas Square opposite the Eaton Centre in downtown T.O.


I could not resist this picture taken while in Hamilton. The entire car was decorated like this (note the New York license plates). If you happen to be the owner of this car please explain to me what the hell the purpose of all of this was!


Goofy and his crew keep me company while I surf the net.

life's a bitch....

My mother has many rules. One of the most important that she consistently reminds us of is: "never go to sleep angry" (meaning, if you have a fight with someone, she believes that before you go to bed..you need to reach an understanding even if it's agreeing to disagree). Her rationale: if something were to happen to that person you would forever be filled with the regret of things ending on uncertain terms.

This is something she has instilled in my brother and I since we were children. I remember sometime in my teen years having a huge argument with my mom over something silly. So silly that at this moment I can't even recall what we argued about. The thing I do remember is that even after we had parted and I had stormed into my room where I remained for the rest of the afternoon into the evening; before going to bed she came into my room to give me a kiss and tell me she loved me and remind me 'never go to sleep angry'.

My father and I have always bucked heads, primarily because he seems to live by the rule 'do as I say, not as I do' and also because he holds the typical west indian male view that he is always right and is the only knowledgeable person. I can show him a blue sheet of paper and he'll insist it's green. Despite this, we've always gotten along. I've always been the one in the family to keep him in check, remind him that he isn't always right and have always tried to encourage him to realize that there are more opinions in the world than just his. Needless to say, I reached a boiling point in November 2003. We had a huge fight one night, over something which I will admit was trivial. Now as I mentioned above, my mother has always instilled in us that we should never go to sleep angry. I humbled myself and went to him that night before going to bed to talk about it; however, he chose to brush me off. I think that brush off and the manner in which he brushed me off lead me to snap. Next month will mark one year since I completely blocked him out. We live in the same house. We co-exist. We exchange formalities: good morning, good night, hello. Outside of that, there is no involvement. My mom is aware of the situation. She and I almost fell out as well because it really irritates me to hear her come at me about going to him to talk when she was there when I made that effort and witnessed his brush off. Now that I think of it, the term brush off sounds like it was gentle when in actuality he slammed the door in my face. I made a second attempt and got the same response. So I stopped trying. He's aware of how I feel, so I had to ask my mother whether she has approached him about the situation. She had no response.

These last couple weeks have been so difficult. I'll admit that I've resorted to turning to the wrong vices to deal with a lot of this shit. I'm job hunting like crazy because I can't deal with the inconsistency of being an independent consultant so early in my career. I got bills like crazy. I feel like I'm still trying to establish my identity. I'm trying to increase my independence. Then I get hit with the possibility that my father just may have prostate cancer. Like I said above, life's a bitch. When my mom first told me about this I was all positive with her emphasizing that supposedly prostate cancer has a high recovery rate if caught early...blah..blah..blah... But lately, I've just had moments where my eyes fill with tears. Like right now. Despite everything, I love my father and I know that he loves me. I feel blessed knowing that. But I don't think I'm in a place right now where I'm ready to deal with the implications that accompany the possibility of cancer. But then, is anyone..ever..?

This is becoming quite lengthy, but it's been pent up in me for over a month now.

So right now, he's on a waiting list to see a specialist who has to do additional testing to determine whether it is prostate cancer. I hate waiting.



rotating...Amel Larrieux: We Can Be New

Um...yeah.

I have so much to say. But just am not in the mood to type any of it. Maybe some other day. Until then..this looked fun:


FIRSTS
First best friend: Fyfe
First car: 1989 ford taurus, it died 2 years ago after failing an emissions test
First date: all i remember is ice cream and a beach
First kiss: happened a long time ago
First screen name: Unique which evolved into yoonique which evolved into yooneek
First self purchased album: Don't remember
First funeral: My mom seems to think funerals are a natural part of life, therefore she's been taking us to funerals since we could walk.
First pets: birds named Brandy & Alexander; the cat next door ate them.
First piercing/tattoo: my lobes as I left the hospital following birth
First credit card: a VISA received in 199???
First true love: is no longer around
First enemy: Don't remember
First musician you remember hearing in your house: LOTS OF SOCA, probably Sparrow

LASTS
Last cigarette: No nicotine only chronic
Last car ride: 5 minutes ago; the 45 minute drive home from work
Last kiss: my mommmy this morning
Last good cry: November 2003
Last library book checked out: something for a school project last year
Last movie seen: Hero
Last beverage: Green Tea this morning
Last food consumed: a white flesh peach at lunch
Last phone call: Just hung up from Tee
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: pink flats
Last CD played: a bootleg Kamaal the Abstract advance
Last item bought: the peach I ate at lunch
Last annoyance: getting a phone call 5 minutes before I was supposed to leave work that lasted 25 minutes
Last disappointment: not getting advanced tix for amnesia tonight
Last time wanting to die: Never
Last shirt worn: pale pink club monaco tshirt worn to work today
Last website visited: piscessoul.blogspot.com
Last word you said: see you soon
Last song you sang: Three Little Birds - Bob Marley

WHAT
What is in your CD player?: it's a 5 disc soo...Kamaal the Abstract, Adriana Evans, Teedra Moses, Sa Ra Creative Partners, Oh No: Disrupt Chronicles
What color socks are you wearing: no socks, just blue fuzzy slippers
What color of underwear are you wearing?: purple (i had to check!)
What's under your bed?: dust
What time did you wake up today?: 7:40 am
What kind of car(s): 97 Plymouth Breeze

WHERE
Where do you want to go?: anywhere but here
What is your career going to be?: i'm still trying to figure that one out
Where are you going to live?: where would I like to live? anywhere but here. Where will I end up? Toronto (right here.)
How many kids do you want?: 2

CURRENT
Current music: none
Current taste: spearmint certs
Current hair: natural twists
Current clothes: tshirt and jeans
Current longing: contentment
Current desktop picture: mos def
Current favorite artist: Jill Scott & Teedra Moses
Current book(s): The Tenth Insight
Current color of toenails: clear
Current time: 6:25 pm
Current hate: not knowing where i'm going in life right now

RANDOM STUFF
My name is: piscessoul
My nicknames are: shaunie
I may seem: quiet and reserved
But I'm really: very silly
Sometimes I feel: unsure of myself
In the morning I: always stretch, wish I didn't have to get out of bed but say thank you that I'm able to see another day
I like to sleep with: a blanket (even in the hottest weather)
If I could be doing anything right now I would be: sleeping
Money is: the root of all evil, yet the source of supposed happiness for many
Three things I wish I had right now are: money (ha!), contentment, love, focus (yeah, i know...that's four)
Three things I have that I wish I didn't are: only three???

maybe tomorrow, i'll want to settle down. But until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on....

Last night was ladies night in. An impromptu night where myself and three of my girlfriends just hung out, got just a little inebriated and cracked the silliest jokes that only we could truly appreciated.

The night started out early at 5:30 pm, initiated by planning that needed to be done for the upcoming long weekend. But after planning, it hit us that it was a beautiful night and we sat around watching tv and talking. Somehow, we began talking about old television shows that we watched and their associated theme songs. In our 'happiness' we sang theme songs from Little House on the Praire, Charles in Charge, Fat Albert, St. Elsewhere, Fraggle Rock, Degrassi High, Danger Bay and then we got stumped. We started talking about a show that we ALL remembered based on a dog that would travel around helping people. NO! Not Lassie! We all knew the show, but no one could figure out the name. Half an hour after we had given up...it hit me!! THE LITTLEST HOBO. Shyt, I was so proud of myself. I was jumping up and down, clapping my hands like a little kid. I even remembered the theme song and was singing it out loud. If you can't remember the show, here's a taste of the theme song...

*clears throat*

...there's a voice that keeps on calling me. Down the road, that's where I'll always be. Every stop I make, I make a new friend. Can't stay for long, just turn around and I'm gone again. Maybe tomorrow, I'll wanna settle down. But until tomorrow I'll just keep moving on....


**Note: I did some research while at work today and found out that this was a Canadian show that aired from 1979 to 1985 before getting cancelled. But I could have sworn that I saw a re-run of it a week or so ago. AND, supposedly Mike Myers did a couple guest appearances on the show way back before he became famous.**

Kids, don't drink alcohol and do NOT smoke weed...this is the end result. A night spent thinking of this type of silliness. ((That's todays public service announcement)).

Anyways, I'm off to spend the long weekend in the wilderness. I've already threatened my fellow campers that if I even smell a bear or see a loon or a coyote or any type of wildlife that could possible threaten my life, I will be holding them each responsible. If I post next week, you'll know I survived the wilderness.