will it ever end?!?!?

it's snowing...again.
i'm tired of the white stuff.
the last few weeks have been depressing. i'm diagnosing myself with seasonal affective disorder (look it up, if you don't know what it is). snow, snow and more snow. and when there isn't snow, it's slush. yet another thing i despise about winter. to make it even worse..to deepen the blow..i sit and listen to my mom, grandfather and various other friends and relatives talk about what date they're leaving for Trinidad. ughhh. while i'm stuck here in toronto to deal with the cold and snow and slush and cold and snow.

it's yucky outside...therefore i do not leave the house unless i absolutely have to. this means i go to work, i come home. once i'm inside there's no getting me to go back out. i can tolerate the cold but the wet stuff needs to get gone.

i'm rewriting my 5 year plan to include a clause which reads: 'relocate to a province/state that has minimal snow and temperatures which never hit the freezing mark'. but then come to think of it, at the rate we're going with all this global warming bullshyt and snow in california...as my mother said, i won't be surprised to hear about snow in the caribbean one of these days.

rotating...K-Os: Patience
anticipating...once again: Winterlicious

better but not the best

this week was better.
not great, but definitely better.

my supervisor actually came to my desk to let me know that she was impressed with the fact that i am catching on quickly and had begun working independently less than a month after starting. i guess i'm doing better than i thought. i can say i actually like my current supervisor which is more than i can say for my last two employers. plus, she's good at what she does and knows how to speak to her team. she must have noticed that i was nearing frustration last week, because her words definitely helped boost my confidence.

on tuesday, i saw the stage version of da Kink in my Hair. i loved it. anyone in the toronto area needs to support this because it's not often that a play of this nature makes it into one of Ed Mirvish's theatres. i attended the pre-screening of a pilot that was shown a few months back on Vision TV. unfortunately, i know that this will just be a pilot and will never evolve into a regular television series although it has the potential to be great. sad but true.

i may sound like a broken record but i hate winter. especially this globalwarming day after tomorrow type bullshit weather that we've been having lately. on thursday, i walked down yonge street in nothing but a turtleneck sweater. beautiful weather (still nowhere near warm enough for me, but still tolerable). today it's -11 (celsius) but according to the weather network, it feels like -21 (celsius).

HMV is losing cool points with me. they never have the cd i'm looking for. and i feel like kicking these sales people who look at me like i've got a nose in the middle of my forehead when i keep coming back and asking them to look up cds (that they never seem to carry...oops, i mentioned that already). deep breath. looks like i'll have to renew my love affair with ebay.

moms and i had a great impromptu dinner at one of our favourite restaurants on thursday night. despite the fact that we clash on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis, i'm thankful to have her in my life. i listen to the types of relationships some of my friends have with their mothers and i am definitely grateful to be able to maintain such a wonderful relationship with her. we talked about everything. from work to my beef with my dad to my resolution to eliminate people from my life who aren't contributing anything positive.

and now it's the weekend.
it's cold and i'm dreading going outside at all this weekend. if it were up to me, i would maintain my weekend hermit status. plans?
a hot date with my robe, duvet and third watch tonight.
an even hotter date with my dentist early saturday morning.
torturingbeautifying myself
babysitting my adorable but energy draining cousins
enjoying the melodic sounds of steelpan at Snowflakes
yet another night of partying with my girls
and most importantly sleeping in on sunday

i was shocked to come across this while surfing around during a bout of boredom. i created that site 7 years ago and then never did anything more with it for various reasons. shockingly, it still getting hits. even more shocking is the fact that angelfire hasn't shut it down or marked it as an inactive account since i haven't touched it since 1998. much of what i said in the intro still holds true and sadly, a lot of the female emcees i wrote about still aren't getting props where props are due. (especially my favourite bahamadia)

lastly, i know i'm going to get loads of hate mail for this but i'm tired of hearing about the tsunami. canada is shipping millions of dollars in aide, yet we still have homeless people sleeping on every street corner in the downtown core, the government wants to eliminate OHIP and increase transit fares. i can provide you with the names of numerous people from Greneda who are still homeless after being hit by Hurricane Ivan. friends have lost families with the volcano eruption on the island of Mosterrat. and there are millions starving around the world. oh yes, and let's not forget about the families who are being subject to the american waged 'war againist terrorism' (i wonder how much the united way and red cross is donating to them?). i'm in no way trying to minimalize the suffering that the tsunami victims are experiencing right now. my point however is that the media tends to forget about the suffering thats occuring globally. i guess this is the new charitable bandwagon. we'll just wait for another disaster to hit, and then we'll shower pity in that direction and forget about the tsunami victims and the hurricane victims and famine victims will be pushed even further to the back of our consciuosness.

to be free....like the wind.

this weekend was all about movies. (what else do i do during the winter?).
the theme for this weekend (unintentionally)...was passion. two movies, set in different cultures and ultimately the story revolved around passion. showing that passion isn't always demonstrated through sex but also manifests through war. interesting.

i enjoyed The House of Flying Daggers slightly more though. Troy showed that the purpose of war is usually quite selfish. a man can't have what he wants so he pits two entire nations against one another to satisfy his wants. in the House of Flying Daggers, on the other hand, the passion existed despite the existence of other elements.

it's late and i have work in the morning.

the only thing i'm anticipating right now is sleep.

show.support.

can you guess that REMG is one of my favourite promoters?

employment woes

today was a shitty day.

the day begun badly because the snow was beginning to fall bringing with it the knowledge that the day would inevitably end with me at the GO Train parking lot sitting in a freezing car waiting for it to warm up a bit before venturing out to spend 20 or more minutes trying to clear the snow and scrape off the ice. yuck. i hate winter. and of course, my train was late.

so back to the fact that at 10:30 am this morning i sat at my desk and faced the realization that here i am at a job where my actions influence the lives of others and i have no fucking clue about what i'm doing. i take that back. i have an inkling but i feel so incompetent. education wise: i'm qualified if you take into consideration the fact that i have a B.A in psychology and my concentration was in rehabilitation BUT (and this is whispered quite softly) i skipped quite a few classes in my university days. so even though i can ramble on in a seemingly intelligent way about abnormal psychology and the impact of certain disabilities on one's ability to perform meaningful work and work place adaptations and ergonomics and blah blah blah, the question that should have been asked in the interview is can you apply all that you've learned in university to this job. but then, i said a lot of bullshit in that interview, so chances are that if i had been asked that question i probably would have answered with an overly confident yes. thinking about it now, i didn't really bullshit the interview. at the time, after reading the job description, i honestly did think i could do the job. in fact it sounded a bit too easy. at the same time, i thought i'd be given a neat intensive training program which would tell me everything i needed to know anyways. boy was i wrong.

so at 10:30 this morning after picking up the 14 new voice messages from my clients and getting dumped with all my mail; i took a break.

by 1:30 pm the day had not gotten much better. i had spent over 2 hours trying to find out from someone in the office the correct procedure for something. oddly enough no one seemed to know. i finally got an answer by 2 pm and at that point i had enough. so i took another break, this time for lunch and went shopping to try to cheer up.

bad move, since two of my favourite stores are having their regularly great post christmas sales. so, i spent money that i definitely should not have spent.

i really wish i could grab a flight to Trinidad in time for carnival. today was one of those days. eventually i gave up on trying to do any work and spent the rest of the day trying to find a cheap flight going to Trinidad for just a week. i need some fun and sun. even though today was that shitty, i think the winter blues contributes to my diminishing mood. i'm not quite sure how much longer i can tolerate winter. each year my tolerance seems to shrink. i become a recluse in the winter. leaving the house only when necessary: to go to work, to get foodor to obtain entertainment.

it can only get better, right?

rotating...Meshell Ndegeocello: Bitter
dreading...going to work tomorrow.

oh yeah, to the lurkers who read my ramblings..i'm always open to new music recommendations. so let me know what you're listening to.

materialistic me.

I need a new phone.
For once, this is not a want. The phone I currently have has past it's retirement.
It's been used, overused and abused (read: falling onto hardwood, concrete and deep into snow). I currently have a flip which is compact, tiny, lightweight and fits into any purse, clutch or pocket without a problem. Even though the 'flip' took some getting used to, I've grown to love flipping it open to use the phone (read: materialistic me). But today on my lunch hour, i fell in love with the baby pictured below:



Don't let the picture fool you, this phone is 3.14'' x 1.69'' x .75'' and weighs 0.163 lbs. It almost got lost in the palm of my hand (and also seemed quite comfortable in my purse, though the sales guy didn't seem to think so. But as I explained to him, I was just testing it out.).

I need to take a trip to Pacific Mall to see what other cute phones are available (at a good deal of course).

reading...Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes
anticipating...losing money? let's hope not (myself and two other friends chipped in to see if this really works)

second thoughts

i'm kicking myself right now.
i'm satisfied with my Christmas presents.
but I would have been even happier, had I thought to ask for this instead.
mind you I know it's not released as yet,
but had I really thought it out,
it would have dawned on me to ask for a gift card to HMV
that way, on january 25th, i could have cheerfullly waltzed into HMV
presented my gift card and strolled out with my box set, whistling a happy tune.

dammit!
if only my birthday weren't so far away!!!

reading...Confessions of a Shopaholic: by Sophie Kinsella
anticipating...january 25